


you wear white and i'll wear out the words 'i love you'

by gleesquid



Category: Fantastic Four (Comicverse), Marvel 616, Spider-Man (Comicverse)
Genre: Fake Marriage, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Irresponsible Drinking, M/M, Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 16:04:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10789953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gleesquid/pseuds/gleesquid
Summary: “I have married you two times. Once when you were heartbroken. Once when you were overjoyed. Both times when you were probably drunk.”Peter and Johnny get married three times.For Spideytorch Week Day 1: Firsts/Lasts





	you wear white and i'll wear out the words 'i love you'

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Spideytorch week! It's also happy finals week for me, so who knows if I'll write anything else! But I hope you enjoy this momentous occasion. 
> 
> Title from "Marry You" by Train
> 
> Comics referenced: Marvel Team-Up #2, FF #17, and Amazing Spider-Man #3

i.

 

Johnny sat on the floor of his bedroom, empty pizza boxes scattered around him. He supposed he should probably go back to watching his figure – being single meant pressure to look good for more than one person – but he figured he got some leeway. A couple weeks of leeway. Months. Whatever.

He grabbed a bottle of beer, immediately feeling the weightlessness that meant he’d drank it all. Ugh. He forced himself to his feet and stumbled into the kitchen. He cracked open a cold can of beer and took a swig, crumpling his nose. He really, really did not like the taste of beer. He’d only gotten into drinking it after Crystal left. The way his unique anatomy worked meant he couldn’t him nurse a buzz for long, but cheap beer seemed to get the job done better than anything else.

He trudged back into his bedroom – and froze. There, silhouetted through the opaque curtains pulled in front of the wall of windows, was Spider-Man.  Johnny ran forward and quickly pulled aside the curtains so he could look into Spider-Man’s big white eyes.

Spider-Man used one finger to point downward and then skittered in that direction. Johnny watched him as long as he could before he ran out of his room to the express elevator.

Spider-Man was already waiting for him outside the elevator’s doors in the lobby. Johnny pressed against the wall to let Spidey slide inside.

“Long time no see, Webhead,” Johnny said, clapping Spidey on the shoulder. He let his hand linger there, feeling Spidey’s strong muscle, running along the edge of it with his thumb.

Spidey’s mask scrunched up. “Are you drunk?” He sounded partly offended, partly amused. 

Johnny leaned his head back against the wall. “Hello, my name is drinking and I have a Johnny problem.”

Spidey snorted. “I was gonna ask how you were doing, but I guess this answers my question.”

“Isn’t that my line?” Johnny asked, cracking an eye open. “You were the one who got mind controlled.” 

The elevator _dinged_ , opening right to Johnny’s apartment. Spider-Man followed him inside, hanging back a little. 

“Right, uh, about that. I never did thank you for – you know, for breaking me out of the trance and everything. How’d you do it?”

Johnny shrugged, moving into the kitchen to root for more drinks. “I dunno. I just figured that if you realized you were being controlled, you’d be stubborn enough to break out of there on your own.”

“Huh. I guess my personality is its own superpower.” 

Johnny cracked a smile, but didn’t argue. 

“You want a beer?” he called.

“No, thanks. Don’t drink.”

Huh. Johnny hesitated on the can his fingers were skirting along, and then grabbed a Coke instead.

“You could have fought back though,” said Peter when Johnny moved out of the kitchen. 

“Sorry?” 

“You could have fought me when I was beating up on you.”

“I did.”

“Not once you figured out it was still me under there. You let me –,”

“Hey, I wasn’t about to pound on you, no matter how you try to convince me that would have been a good idea. It was you. You’re my friend.” 

Spider-Man stared at him. Johnny wished he could see his face.

“Do you have no sense of self-preservation?” Spidey asked.

Johnny thought of Crystal. “Not really.”

As if he could read his mind, Spidey asked, “So what’s with the day-drinking? This isn’t about that girl, is it?”

Johnny was silent and Peter groaned. “She’s so not worth it, buddy.”

“You don’t know the first thing about her,” Johnny snapped. “She was worth it. Is.”

Spidey held up his hands in surrender. “Okay. Sorry.”

“I wanted to marry her,” Johnny admitted, drumming his fingers against the Coke he still hadn’t opened. “I thought we were gonna get married.”

And then, to his horror, Johnny’s eyes began to sting and he sniffled, trying to keep the tears at bay, but he couldn’t help it. They fell.

He scrubbed at his eyes, hoping desperately that Spider-Man hadn’t seen, but of course he had. The man could scale walls and swing through the sky and of course he could tell when someone cried.

“Hey, hey now,” Spidey said, rushing forward. He took Johnny’s shoulders in his hands. Spidey held him like he didn’t know what to do with him, but he held him all the same, and for some reason that made Johnny want to cry even more.

“Shh, shh.” Spidey reached up and with one padded finger wiped Johnny’s tear away. The single stroke burned Johnny’s skin. “You don’t have to marry her, okay? You can – um, you can – marry me!”

The idea startled a laugh out of Johnny. “What –?”

“Yeah, yeah, hold on, I got it.”

Spidey grabbed Johnny’s unopened Coke and then ran about the room arranging furniture in some sort of meaningless pattern. But when Spidey stepped back, Johnny could see that Spidey had arranged everything to make an aisle leading up to where the Coke sat on a coffee table, wearing a top hat and bowtie made of webbing.

Spidey stepped into place in front of coffee table.

“Ohmigosh,” he said in a high-pitched voice. “I’m _so_ excited, but also nervous? I haven’t even seen the bride yet!” 

“What are you _doing_?”

“C’mon, blue eyes!” said Spider-Man. “This Coke has to officiate a wedding between a couple salt shakers at three.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Johnny said as Spidey started to hum the Bridal Chorus. 

“I hope you know I’m not the bride in this situation,” Johnny said, but then he was walking, as if something deep within him was pulling him forward. He slowly marched down the aisle of furniture Spidey had cleared, something like butterflies in his stomach. Maybe he was the ridiculous one.

Johnny stood across from Spidey and for a moment he grinned.

“This is all so sudden,” he said. “I didn’t have time to change.”

Spidey glanced down at Johnny’s jeans with the fake holes in them and tight t-shirt. “Eh, it’ll do. Shh, he’s starting.”

Spidey and Johnny turned to stare down at the Coke.

“We are gathered here today,” Spidey said in a deep Batman voice, “to join Johnny Storm and Spider-Man in holy matrimony. Uhhh, what else happens at a wedding?”

“Vows,” said Johnny.

“Oh, right. First, say your vows.” Spidey turned back to Johnny, shifting into his normal voice. “Vow me, baby.”

Johnny thought about it. “I vow to be super hot all the time, and never let myself go.”

“Thank god.”

“And I vow to blow your mind in bed.”

“Among other things, I hope.”

“And I vow to love you forever. Until I kill you for your inheritance.”

“You’ll be sorely disappointed.”

“Your turn,” said Johnny.

“Okay, okay,” Spidey said, stretching a little like he was getting ready to run a marathon. “I vow to always put the toilet seat down.”

“Very considerate.”

“And I vow to maybe tell you my secret identity if an asteroid is about to crash into Earth and kill us all.”

“Aw, thank you.”

“And I vow to love you forever.”

Johnny waited for the joke. But there wasn’t one

Spidey cleared his throat. “Do you, Johnny Storm, take Spider-Man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do,” said Johnny. His voice caught in his throat and he hated it. “And do you, Spider-Man, take Johnny Storm to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do,” said Spidey. Spidey’s hands seemed to shake a little as he rolled up his mask to reveal his full lips. “You may now . . ." 

He leaned forward and Johnny met him halfway and their lips pressed together and if Johnny could bottle this moment and drink it, it would be so much better than cheap beer. 

They broke apart, breathing in each other’s air.

“I now pronounce you,” Spidey whispered, “man . . . and Spider-Man.”

Johnny cracked up and Spider smiled too and the moment was over.

“The best wedding I’ll ever have, that’s for sure,” said Johnny. “You want old pizza for the reception?”

“Always,” said Spidey. He reached over and grabbed the priest, cracked him open, and took a swig.

“That’s so completely wrong,” said Johnny. “What’s he taste like?”

“Heaven,” Spidey said and Johnny laughed again.

 

ii.

 

“Be honest with me,” Peter whisper-yelled in Johnny’s ear. “Did you bang the horse?”

Johnny turned, slinging an arm around Peter’s neck. “He’s not a horse!”

“He sure looks like a horse to me,” said Peter, glancing back to where Kal Blackbane serenaded a police horse, who was remarkably well-behaved given the circumstances.

“If you put it that way, one of Black Bolt’s wives is a horse,” said Johnny.

“Wouldn’t surprise me,” Peter huffed. “So?”

Johnny smirked. “I wouldn’t say _banged._ It was more of a – research project. To see if there was any weight to the saying, _hung like a_ –,”

“Okay, okay, I get it.” Peter pushed his face into Johnny’s neck, nearly tasting the sweat there.

“You weren’t always such a prude, Parker,” MJ said from where she pressed up against Johnny’s back.

Peter groaned. “Hi, Mary Jane. Who even invited you?”

“You did,” said MJ.

“Oh, right. But Johnny said it would be a good idea.”

“Can you blame me?” Johnny tossed his head back onto MJ’s shoulder and seeing them together made something in Peter’s stomach stir. “I’ve totally had a dream like this.”

“Me, too,” Peter murmured.

“Me three,” MJ said and she kissed right behind Johnny’s ear, making him smile and Peter squirm. 

“Oh my gosh! I have the best idea!” said Johnny.

“We’re not having a threesome,” Peter said, though he wasn’t totally sure _why_ that was a bad idea. He just knew it was.

“Peter Parker, I am not that kind of girl.” Johnny rolled his eyes, but he grinning just as quick. “We should get married!”

Peter and MJ’s eyes met.

“What?” they both asked.

“Yes, all three of us, right now, we should get _married_. We totally love each other and we should totally cement it for eternity.”

“A solid argument,” said MJ. “You game, Parker? Or are you waiting to see how things work out with the hot blue chick?”

“I think she wants to make me her sex slave,” Peter admitted and Johnny frowned.

“That’s offensive. The Inumans definitely had slaves at one point, but it wasn’t for sex.”

“Oh, that makes it better.”

“Whatever, are you marrying us or not?”

Peter looked from Johnny, his eyes earnest, to MJ, with her sarcastic grin.

“Yeah,” Peter said. “I guess I’ll marry you.”

Johnny whooped and dragged them over to the cop on horseback, who Johnny had periodically flirted with throughout the night and was definitely the reason they hadn’t been ordered to cease and desist yet.

“Hey there, Delilah!” He snorted. “Hey there, Delilah, what’s it like in New York City?”

“I’ve never gotten that before,” Delilah said.

“Aw, but tonight you _do_ look so pretty.”

Delilah blushed even as she she shook her head. “What can I do for you, Johnny?”

“Will you marry us?” Johnny asked, throwing an arm around Peter’s shoulders and pulling MJ into his side. “We totally want to get married.”

She raised an eyebrow. “The three of you?”

“Uh, _yeah_! Look how hot we are together!”

“Peter’s a little less hot,” MJ said. “But he makes up for it in spunk.” 

“Weren’t you the guy making out with the blue lady?” Delilah asked.

“I don’t want to be a sex slave!” said Peter.

“Fine, I’ll marry you guys. Do you, Johnny, take –,”

“No wait!” Johnny yelled. “First we have to do our _vows_!”

“Uh,” Delilah said. “Okay.”

“I’ll go first,” Johnny said. “I vow to always be a buffer between you two so the fact that you used to date doesn’t make things weird.”

“Wow, thanks,” said MJ.

“Means a lot,” said Peter.

“You next!” Johnny jostled MJ.

“I vow to, um, always be the prettiest and most talented person in our marriage so you guys never feel pressured to compete?”

“What do you mean _most talented,_ I’ve been in movies, you know –,”

“I vow to always bottle up my feelings so we never have to talk about them!” said Peter.

MJ fist-bumped. “Yes, that was my favorite part of our relationship.”

“Okay, we’re ready,” Johnny told Delilah.

“Oh . . . kay,” she said. “Do you, Johnny, take –,”

“Mary Jane and Peter-Man,” said Johnny.

“Do you take Mary Jane and, um, Peter-Man to be your husband and wife?”

“I so do!”

“And do you, Mary Jane, take Johnny and Peter-Man to be your husbands?”

“I’m having second thoughts, but sure.”

“And do you, Peter-Man, take Johnny and Mary Jane to be your husband and wife?”

“I’d like to say a few words first –,”

“I now pronounce you husbands and wife! You may all kiss each other, or whatever.”

All three of them tried to kiss each other at once, but apparently kissing doesn’t work that way. So Peter watched while MJ grabbed Johnny and planted a kiss on his lips. And then leaned over and kissed him and then Johnny kissed him too. And Peter had been told that what he’d been drinking had no alcohol in it, but he felt warm and fuzzy all over.

“We are gonna have the _hottest_ sex tonight,” Johnny said, pulling away.

“No threesomes!” Peter said. “That was one of my rules! I’m celibate!”

“Hold on, my agent’s calling,” MJ said, putting her phone to her ear upside down. “Michael B. Jordan announced his love for me on the cover of _People_? Ugh, that is so typical.” She put her phone back in her pocket. “Sorry, boys, I just hit the jackpot.”

“MJ, no! Don’t leave! We can change!” Johnny called.

“This relationship has been weird ever since you admitted you slept with a horse!” MJ said, and slipped into the crowd of people dancing to no music.

Johnny looked at Peter helplessly.

“She’s right,” Peter said. “It’s all I can think about.”

Johnny shoved Peter away. “I bet it is, perv.”

And Peter’s skinned burned where Johnny touched.

 

iii.

 

“Nervous?”

Johnny spun around to see Peter leaning against the doorframe. His tux highlighted how slim he was and still showcased the breadth of his shoulders. Peter’s mouth went dry.

“What are you doing here?” Johnny asked. “We’re not supposed to see each other!”

“I thought that was only for straight people.”

Johnny pouted. “I like the tradition.”

“’Kay, fine, I’ll go –,”

“No, don’t go,” said Johnny because even though he didn’t want Peter to see him, the thought of Peter turning and leaving felt unbearable. “Please don’t go.”

Peter turned back with a grin, like that was his plan all along. “How come you don’t love to watch me go? Do I not have a good butt?”

Johnny arched an eyebrow. “You know that’s not true.”

Peter laughed. “So? Nervous?”

Johnny huffed. “What’s to be nervous about? We’ve done this like a billion time already.”

“Twice, I think. That time when Crystal dumped you and that time you wanted to bang MJ and me."

“You have such a way with words,” said Johnny. “Truly. It’s why I’m marrying you.”

Peter grinned. “Oh, is that why?”

He took a few bold steps forward, grabbed Johnny around the waist, and dipped him.

“ _Oh,_ ” Johnny breathed but Peter hungrily swallowed the sound.

“My words are the only reason, huh?” Peter asked when they broke apart.

“Yup.” Johnny said. “That and your . . . gigantic . . . student debt.”

Peter grinned. “Marry rich, baby.”

He set him upright and Johnny’s stomach settled.

“Why the white?” Peter smoothed down Johnny’s jacket. “I never asked.”

“It’s to symbolize my purity,” Johnny said, turning back to the mirror. He straightened his tie. “I’m kind of offended you’re not wearing white, you sleaze.”

“Oh, yeah.” Peter pushed up behind him and Johnny could feel that _someone_ was anticipating wedding night a few hours early. He kissed him behind the ear. “You’re so _pure_.”

“Johnny – oh my god, really?”

Peter didn’t even have the grace to jump away, smirking as he wound his arms around Johnny’s middle and met Sue’s eyes in the mirror. “Hi, Sue.”

“You’re the worst, Peter, you really are.”

“You’re just mad that Reed barely got the courage to peck you on the lips when you got married,” said Johnny. “I, on the other hand, have a real man, unafraid of showing the world who I belong to.”

“I know you’re not a woman, but I still feel like you’re setting feminism back,” Sue said with a roll of her eyes. “Are you guys done humping like teenagers and ready to get married?”

Johnny met Peter’s eyes in the mirror. His smile morphed from lascivious to something else entirely that made Johnny’s heart skip a beat in his chest.

“Yeah,” Johnny said. “We are.”

“Then let’s get going!” Sue said. “Ben and Jen look like they’re gonna start wrestling any minute.”

Peter pecked Johnny on the cheeks. “See you on the other side, baby boy.”

“Must you?” asked Sue. “I’m standing right here.”

“Like my childhood wasn’t marred with jokes about all the places Reed can stretch,” Johnny said and it was Sue’s turn to hide a smile.

Peter gave him one last kiss and went out to the garden, where Johnny knew Aunt May was waiting to walk him down the aisle. Johnny breathed out and Sue, who always knew what he needed before he knew he needed it, hugged him tight.

“This is a big deal,” he said.

“The biggest deal,” she agreed.

“I’m getting married.”

“You sure are.”

“Can’t get unmarried.”

“Technically, you can. Henry VIII made sure of it.”

“Not helping.”

“Sorry.”

Johnny buried his face in her hair. “I’m marrying Spider-Man,” he mumbled.

“If only sixteen-year-old you could see you now,” said Sue.

Johnny pulled away and smoothed a piece of hair that had fluttered into Sue’s eyes back into her coif. She looked lovely, light blue dress and sculpted hair and pearls, like a sixties queen.

“If Marilyn and Jackie ditched JFK and got together instead, their baby would look just like you,” Johnny told her.

Sue hummed. “Thanks, I think. If Jim Hammond shrunk a few inches and lost a hundred pounds of muscle or so, and became less of a robot, he’d look just like you.”

Johnny beamed. “You always know what to say.”

The opening chords of the wedding march drifted through the window. Sue tucked her arm into Johnny’s and led him through the doors into the garden.

It really was everything Johnny could have dreamed of. A small lake stretching out to the side of them. Bird trills ringing through the air. Grass green from water, not chemicals, under his feet and flowers, pink and blue yellow, turning their faces to the sun. His friends and family all looking at him, beaming. Wyatt standing on one side of white gazebo, tall and handsome, giving him a little wink. Harry Osborn on the other side, for once looking like he didn’t want to take a swing at Johnny. Val with a basket of flower petals and Franklin holding the rings. His sister on his arm, guiding him up the aisle. And Peter. Always Peter.

Johnny passed Mary Jane’s seat and whispered, “You could’ve been up here with us.”

“The ones who got away,” she said in a teary voice and Johnny grinned.

Sue stopped when they reached the wedding party. She kissed Johnny’s forehead and when she pulled back, Johnny was horrified to see the shine in her eyes. His own began to sting in response.

“My boy,” she said.

“Always,” he agreed.

Sue took her seat in the front row between Aunt May and Reed. Johnny glanced at his family. Reed pulled Sue in so she could lean her head on his shoulder. Ben gave him a thumbs-up.

“All right, let’s get this thing started,” said Luke Cage. Johnny wasn’t sure exactly how it happened but apparently Luke had cornered Peter and asked if he could officiate their wedding and well – Luke Cage was not the kind of guy you said no to. He supposed it did look pretty impressive to have Power Man marrying you, even if his shoulders stole some of Johnny’s hair’s thunder.

For a moment, Johnny thought Luke might be posing. He glanced over his shoulder to see Jessica Jones and Danny Rand quickly lowering their phones.

Johnny’s eyes met Peter’s. He grimaced. Peter grinned.

“We are gathered here today to celebrate the love of one Peter Parker and one Jonathan Storm. And I think I speak for everyone when I say – thank _Jesus_.”

People laughed and Bobby Drake yelled, “Who?” making everyone laugh harder.

Luke started to go on about Peter and Johnny’s life stories – leaving out some pretty major details when it came to Peter, and Johnny wondered what Harry Osborn thought about Peter clearly running in superhero circles – and then he talked about how much they love their families and what their love meant to the world and Johnny could barely focus on a single word of it. Peter gripped his hand tight and he tried to focus on that, letting it ground him.

“Johnny, that’s your cue.”

Johnny turned to Luke, eyebrows knotted.

“Your vows?” said Luke.

Everyone tittered and Johnny flushed. He pulled a folded piece of paper from his pocket. His hands shook a little as he tried to smooth it.

“Peter,” he said, barely looking Peter in the eyes at all. “When I first met you, you were this snotty kid with glasses and an attitude problem.”

A couple of guffaws from the people who had known Peter back then and Jameson yelled out, “It’s true, he was!”

“But I had just given this awful speech at your school and you came up to me and told me that it meant something to you. And I didn’t act like it, because I cared _so_ much what people thought, but that meant something to me. It made me believe in myself even though the speech had been about trying to make other people believe in themselves.” Johnny lifted his eyes to Peter’s, which were so brown and warm and a little shiny. “I can’t promise to make you believe in yourself. I’m not a telepath.”

A couple of the telepaths huffed and Johnny was certain he just butchered their power. But he pressed on.

“But I can promise that I will always believe in you,” he said. “I can promise that I will always tell you why you should believe in you. And I can promise you’ll never be alone again. Because, Pete, you’ve been alone in ways I can’t possibly comprehend, ways I don’t want to comprehend. But you don’t have to be alone anymore. You’ve got me forever now.” A tear leaked out of Peter’s right eye and that just about did Johnny in. He needed to lighten the mood. “Also I promise to love Aunt May more than you ever could.”

“It’s one thing to lie in your vows to me, but to Aunt May? For shame,” said Peter.

“Be nice to my son-in-law,” Aunt May called, making the guests laugh and Johnny blush.

“That was beautiful, Johnny,” said Luke. “And your vows, Peter?”

Peter didn’t even need notecards. Freaking overachiever.

“Johnny,” Peter said, and the sound of Johnny’s name on his lips made the world spin faster. “I have married you two times. Once when you were heartbroken. Once when you were overjoyed. Both times when you were probably drunk.” Groans, and Peter said, “I swear I didn’t take advantage of him! Beyond asking for his hand in marriage, I mean.” Johnny’s whole face felt like it might split in two from smiling. “So yeah, each time we got married, it was a joke. It was to make you feel better. It was to have a good time. It was to kiss you, just once. But I’m not joking anymore. I promise that this is it for me. You’re it for me, Johnny. And I promise to never marry you ever again, unless we’re eighty and want these very well-written vows renewed by some Elvis impersonator in Vegas.” A flash of that imaged popped into Johnny’s head, but it was too much. He forced it away to focus on the moment, here with the love of his life.

“So here are my vows,” Peter said. “I vow to always put the toilet seat down.”

A laugh burst out of Johnny’s mouth. His eyes were wet. He couldn’t breathe.

“And I vow to tell you all my secrets if an asteroid is hurtling towards Earth and about to kill us all.”

Johnny shook his head, unable to keep the tears at bay.

“And I vow to love you forever,” said Peter, voice softer than Johnny thought it could get.

“Yes, yes,” Johnny said. “I accept your vows.”

“Well, hold on now, I have one job, don’t jump the gun,” said Luke. “That was – really something, I guess? But hey, I don’t gotta marry you.”

 _Thank god,_ Johnny thought because he felt pretty good about the way he looked but he couldn’t compete with Luke Cage. 

“The rings please?”

Franklin stepped forward. “Doin’ good, Uncle Johnny,” he stage-whispered when Johnny took the band from him, getting a chorus of _aw_ ’s from the audience and a disgruntled huff from Val.

“The moment we’ve all been waiting for,” said Luke. “Do you, Jonathan Lowell Spencer Storm, take this man, Peter Benjamin Parker, to be your lawfully wedded husband for as long as you both shall live?”

“I do,” Johnny breathed, slipping the ring onto Peter’s finger.

“And do you, Peter Benjamin Parker, take this man, Jonathan Lowell Spencer Storm, to be your lawfully wedded husband for as long as you both shall live?”

“I really do,” Peter said, bouncing on his toes as he forced the ring onto Johnny’s finger.

“Of course you do,” said Luke. “I now pronounce you husbands. Kiss your man.”

Peter grabbed Johnny’s face and Johnny grabbed Peter’s waist and they kissed. The music swelled. The crowd exploded. The birds sang. Forever began.

**Author's Note:**

> if you want to talk [here i am!](http://www.bipeteparker.tumblr.com)


End file.
